is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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