you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
