Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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