Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
