Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
