Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
