Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
The air taste purple.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
