I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
