The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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