I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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