he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
