So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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