honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
