i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
