So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
