She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
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