You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
