I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
