I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
