Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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