She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
well most of my day revolves around power hour
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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