I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
