Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Randomize
