I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
