Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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