So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
50% drunk capacity currently
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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