You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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