you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Randomize
