you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
