how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
