god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
