Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
