Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
