The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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