i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
