Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
