our cab driver is having phone sex.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Randomize
