yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
You are the jesus of drinking
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
