the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
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