i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
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