There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
