I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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