dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Randomize
