they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
