i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
