just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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