god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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