everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize