sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
