if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
