she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
