We're like a lot better than the average bears
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
