im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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