im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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