That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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