Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
