Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
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