Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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