Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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