Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I have fence marks all over my body
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
