woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
