i think my mom watched the whole time
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Randomize
