Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
