if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
