I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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