I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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