I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
