thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
